


The Average Man and the Champion of the Light

by SpideypoolAlways



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Action Plot for ???, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, BAMF Dis!, Bilbo knows the score, Bilbo's Normal, Bilbo's taking none of that crap, F/M, Instead of Rings its Magical Artifacts, M/M, No Fili and Kili, Sexist! Thain, Shipper!Dis, Shipper!Thain, Theres one Ring, Thorin's Stuck in a Dungeon, Training Montage, ok
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 18:19:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13105878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpideypoolAlways/pseuds/SpideypoolAlways
Summary: Bilbo’s an average guy, just trying to make ends meet as he goes to college. The supernatural entering his life was not part of the plan. And what Champion of the Light? You have got the wrong guy.





	The Average Man and the Champion of the Light

Disclaimer: I don’t own the Hobbit or any works by Tolkien or his wonderful characters. *Gross sobbing*

Bilbo sighed as he finished changing out of his work uniform. Minimum wage did not pay him enough to deal with all those divas looking for the most “in” clothing. Shutting his locker, he pulled his rain jacket shut and made sure his beanie was covering his ears before heading out into the downpour and back home.

By the time he had reached his apartment complex, the rain had slowed to a drizzle. Before entering the lobby, he took off his jacket and shook it off to get rid of the worst of the water. Bilbo headed over to the elevator, only to groan in dismay when a sign said that it was out of service. He stared at the sign before pushing the up button hopefully. Maybe it was just a prank.

Nope. It was dead. His shoulders slumped and he headed for the stairwell and proceeded to climb the 6 floors to his apartment level. Walking 30 minutes in the pouring rain and then 6 flight of stairs after working a double shift at Macy’s during the pre-Christmas rush. He wanted to cry.

After some fumbling with his key, Bilbo sighed in relief. He was finally back. Casting a glance at the clock, Bilbo decided he had enough to make a quick dinner before he crammed in a last minute assignment for his Creative Writing class. And then, his wonderful bed.

After practically inhaling his 5 sandwiches, Bilbo settled in at his desk and booted on his old laptop. And couldn’t think of a short story to write.

With a smothered moan, he decided to look through his mother’s old glory box to see if anything she had picked up on her adventures would spark any ideas. Standing again, and whimpering at the abuse to his poor feet, Bilbo pulled to box out from under his bed. Opening it, he pulled out her photo album and flipped through it, hoping some of the images of her travels would spark something.

No luck. Setting his mother’s album aside, he pulled out her Adventure Pack, as she had affectionately called it, opened it and looked at some of her old souvenirs. Wooden statue, metal statue, seashell, amulet, golden ring- wait, a ring? Bilbo stared at it for a moment in confusion. It definitely wasn’t his father’s. He had Bungo’s and Belladonna’s wedding rings in his keepsake box. Frowning, Bilbo set it aside. He’d look more into it later. It wasn’t sparking any ideas so he wasn’t going to bother with it for now. He had an assignment to do. Bracelet, small tribal mask, jade statue – his mother really liked small statues, didn’t she? - Keychain, a book of pressed flowers and-aha! A journal! Bilbo pulled it out happily. His mother liked to write her adventures down. Maybe it’d spark a story.

Setting his kettle to boil, he sank down in his father’s old armchair to read. At least, that was the plan. What really happened was something slamming through his apartment walls with a roar as the drywall went flying.

With a shriek, Bilbo dove out of his armchair and behind the table that had been flipped over when the –thing! - burst through his sitting room wall. Wait, his wall! Bilbo’s head snapped over to stare at the wall. Or at least, where his wall used to be. A quick stray thought went through his head. ‘I’m never going to get my deposit back,’ Bilbo thought faintly before ducking his head back behind the table as the bird-bat-lizard thing shrieked even louder than Bilbo had as it turned his head towards him.

“Where is It?” a terrible voice said softly but somehow carried even through the screaming of Bilbo’s neighbors and the rapidly approaching siren wails. Bilbo shuddered. The voice was like nails on a chalkboard, a cold chill down his spine and it made something deep within his scream for him to run and his body freeze all at once.“The Ring, where is the Ring?!” the monster shrieked and Bilbo choked back a scream of his own.

As it approached where Bilbo had hidden, Bilbo’s eyes caught a hint of gold by his feet and he picked it up, intending on throwing it at the creature that had broken into his apartment in hopes that it would take it and leave him be. But when his fingers touched it, the monster shrieked again, breaking whatever glassware that hadn’t shattered upon its entrance, letting the shards rain down on him.

Just as it turned to barrel towards him, Bilbo heard the sound of splintering wood behind him as his door –or rather, pieces of his door- went flying. Bilbo didn’t know where to look or where to go. There was glass everywhere, other pieces of debris, a monster in front and God only know what behind him. Curling in on himself, clutching the ring, Bilbo waited for the beast to kill him.

Instead, he heard an enraged roar that had come from a human’s voice. Uncurling slightly and peeking over the table, he saw a muscled form wielding a glowing axe –really? Bilbo supposed that it was no stranger than a monster showing up in his apartment- with long, braided black hair with beads that was driving the monster back. In shock, Bilbo rose up from his crouch slightly to get a better look and saw as the mysterious warrior picked up his armchair and threw it at the monster, forcing it back out of the hole in his wall.

Suddenly, the figure spun around. It was a woman! She was scowling and advancing on him rather quickly, her axe glinting as the moonlight that came through the wall shone on it, showing Bilbo that it was indeed very sharp. She wore a Kevlar vest, gauntlets, army pants with a multitude of pockets and combat boots with steel toes. Gulping, Bilbo immediately raised his hands in surrender. She may have gotten rid of the monster, but she may have wanted to kill him herself. She certainly looked menacing enough.

“Where is the Artifact,” she barked as she shook her axe menacingly at Bilbo. With an eep, Bilbo quickly held out the hand holding the ring that he thought the creature was after.

“It wanted a ring. This and my parent’s wedding rings are the only ones I have,” Bilbo said quickly and the woman relaxed. Just as she reached for the ring that had caused so much trouble for Bilbo, the creature reappeared at his wall. And it had a friend.

As one of the monsters reached through the hole, Bilbo threw himself backwards, wide eyed, grabbing the front of her vest and she snarled at him, raising her axe, causing Bilbo to shriek before she realized that he had pulled her to safety. Detaching his hands, she spun back around and with a battle cry, threw herself at one of the monsters that pulled her out of his apartment as they took their battle to the streets.

Gaping, Bilbo stared where the two had disappeared before he remembered that the creature had a friend. One that immediately shoved its own head in and grabbed Bilbo by the shirt before taking off. Bilbo let out a scream as the creature pushed off his apartment building to take to the skies. Looking around desperately for the warrior woman, he saw her just as she finished off the first monster, decapitating it rather handily. She suddenly looked up and their eyes connected, hazel to blue.

With a grim look in her eyes, she raised her hands – and a wall of flame appeared out of nowhere, in the middle of the air, burning the monster that held Bilbo captive. With a screech of pain, it dropped Bilbo, which prompted him to let out a scream of his own. Bilbo clenched his eyes shut and prepared for the worst. That was not coming. Bilbo was sure that he should have been a smear on the ground by now. Cursing his curiosity, Bilbo slowly cracked one eye open, hoping he wasn’t about to see the ground rushing up at him. Instead, he saw the warrior woman, who could apparently use magic as well, slowly lowering her hands, his body slowly lowering with them.

Finally, his feet were on the ground again, and Bilbo’s knees gave out on him. He was just a college student working a minimum wage job. As ordinary and average as you can get. This kind of stuff was supposed to be read about, not lived through. Not by him. Vaguely, he realized that he was about to have a panic attack. Swallowing harshly, Bilbo got his feet under him and staggered to the side of the road. It would be humiliating if he got run over by a car after everything he’d just been through.

As he sat on the curb, shaking, he watched as the mysterious young woman scowled and marched over to and tipped over big rig and – kicked it in the air and sent it straight at the monster! Jaw dropping, he watched the 18 wheeler hit its target dead on and the beast crashed to the ground, unmoving.

He stared at the two corpses of the things that had attacked him, unaware that the woman was coming closer until a there was a firm grip on his shoulder. Heart in his throat, he jumped. He tried to turn around to see who or what had snuck up on him in the first place when he heard her speak.

“We need to go,” she said, her eyes as hard as diamonds as she looked at him. His mouth opened and shut for a moment in confusion before she hauled him to his feet –with one hand! - And dragged him towards the park across the street from his apartment building.

“Wait, why do I have to go with you? You killed them, so I should be fine now, right?” Bilbo squeaked as the woman –he really needed to get her name- practically carried him towards the pond. She shook him by the shoulder, making him look at her in the face for the first time since he was almost carried off by whatever-the-hell that monster was.

“They know you have the Ring,” she said solemnly. “Unless you want them to come after you again, you’ll be safest with me.” Bilbo eyed her axe that she was holding in her other hand and didn’t feel all that safe, actually.

“How about I just leave town? Wear a disguise and change my name?” Bilbo was grasping at straws by this point and he knew it. They finally came to a stop by the pond and she looked him straight in the eye and said a simple “No,” before tossing a necklace over his head and pushed him into the pond, where he sunk like rock to the bottom.


End file.
